Soul saturated with sweat and the scent of sex, substance-dampened numbed mind, pressing gyrating bodies seeking salvation with this sin, lose myself in the music in the movement in the moment, let go with wild abandon, anything everything coursing down my throat warming my heart, breath quickening with each step each thrust, teeth eyes flashing taunting lips taunting hips ecstasy flirtation emotion anything everything pouring down my throat into my body anything everything oh God let me feel something anything everything, the rounded cushion of a well-endowed friend, the sly cloth-cloaked bulge pressing demandingly into my thigh, the solid stomach of a stranger under curious fingertips. I’m worried I want this too much. I’m worried I’m supposed to be better than this. I’m worried I will never satiate this hunger, never quell this flame of sick desire to pretend to be someone anyone else but myself. Give me more, feed my greedy love-starved paws, drown me in this moment, swallow the sickness inside me, destroy the disease poised to devour my soul. Oh, baby, somebody anybody everybody, take me away… please. I just want I just need to be reminded that I am loved.
— from the Archives: Jul. 03, 2005
