The Devil You Know…

Because I am stepped in so far that,
Should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as going o’er…
Because so much of you is tangled in me
That I’m afraid to strip away the you
And see there is nothing left of me…
Because it’s easier to stay quiet
Than speak up,
Because it’s harder to walk away
Than stay put…
Because I’m tired of seeking something better
And maybe good enough will suffice
Because I’m afraid of being alone
Of the blank slate,
Of accepting that my precious youth
Was frittered away on you…
Because I have already learnt your patterns
And the knowledge would be wasted,
Because the unknown is unquantifiably horrifying…
Because I’m afraid of angering you,
Because I’m afraid of betraying myself,
Because maybe this is my fault,
Because some part of me secretly believes
That love can’t exist without excruciating pain…
Because I can’t even put into words why…
Because I’m comfortable in my misery
And you are familiar…
I’ve already broken you in,
Stretched at the seams to mould to my shape,
The familiar worn old shoe
That pinches the toe only sometimes,
Only infrequently,
Only scraping away at the appendages of my body
Only just a little bit each time
(A little bit ain’t bad, right?)
Because most times, you fit just fine.
Because I like to play it safe
Rather than risk the gambling heart.
Because
I’m weak.
Because, at the end of it all,
I still love you
Fiercely, dangerously, desperately…
And value my silence.